There’s nothing quite like the honeymoon phase.
The rush you get when everything feels fresh, passionate, and effortless is second to none. The endless excitement of getting to know each other, the butterflies before every data, and the magnetic pull that keeps you enthralled.
And then, it starts to fade.
One of the largest concerns I’ve experienced as a dating and relationship coach is the innate fear that once the honeymoon phase ends, the spark in the relationship will disappear with it. Another concern is partners showing their “true colours” later into a relationship despite trying so hard initially, which as we know, is simply them coming out from the honeymoon phase.
While the overwhelming rush of early love may settle, that doesn’t mean passion has to fade with it. The goal shouldn’t be staying in the honeymoon phase forever but rather making intentional choices to keep that feeling alive long after the initial excitement.
Let’s explore what the honeymoon phase really is, and I’ll offer six valuable tips that I give to my clients to help them retain that wonderful feeling for longer.
What is the Honeymoon Phase?
The honeymoon phase may mean different things to different people. Generally, it’s the exhilarating, all-consuming stage of a relationship where everything feels new, effortless, and exciting. During this phase, you may feel an intense, passionate bond with your partner, want to see them every moment of every day, and be so engrossed in who they are that you only see their best qualities.
The excitement of discovery takes over, making everything seem thrilling and electric.
While our emotions lead the way, it’s actually a biological process that causes this. Our brains release a potent combination of dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, the chemicals responsible for feelings of pleasure, attachment, and happiness.
In this sense, our brains are wired to make new love feel so addictive. But as with any high, these intense emotions eventually level out as our brains readjust.
This is when the honeymoon phase effectively ends.
Do All Honeymoon Phases End?
In short, yes.
Unfortunately, the novelty wears off. Daily life begins to settle in, and our brains stop producing the same level of love chemicals as they did initially.
Familiarity replaces infatuation.
This is, however, completely natural. We weren’t designed to stay in that heightened emotional state forever. Similarly, there isn’t a definitive time a honeymoon phase will last.
Some end shortly after six months, others two years. I have seen couples remain in that phase for more than two years. It all depends on the couple.
The key to understanding the honeymoon phase is that just because it’s over doesn’t mean it has to disappear. One common misconception I tackle in my coaching is that partners mistake the loss of initial excitement for falling out of love.
A common reminder I give is that the rush of early romance may fade, but long-term couples who actively invest in their relationship can reignite the spark in their relationship and keep this excitement, passion, and connection alive into the future.
6 Things You Can Do to Extend the Honeymoon Phase Feeling
While you can’t stop the natural shift in brain chemistry, you can take conscious steps to nurture future excitement. During my coaching sessions, when the topic of “it no longer feels exciting” arises in the discussion, I’ll explain some of the below points.
These can help you shift your mindset and start actively looking for ways you can extend that honeymoon phase feeling for years to come:
1. Keep Regular Dates
When you first start dating, every moment together can feel like an adventure, regardless of what activity you’re doing. Over time, this feeling begins to dwindle, and it becomes harder to find gaps in schedules or responsibilities, forcing regular date nights to take a back seat.
The issue is that relationships can quickly begin to feel like routines rather than romances. Without intentional time together, whether something big or small, you may start feeling like your partner is “just another person” rather than your partner.
The first step to ensuring you have uninterrupted, consistent, quality time together is scheduling a regular date night. It’s even better to pair this with trying new activities and stepping out of your comfort zone together.
Your time together then feels intentional and engaging. Trying new things also reintroduces the novelty of that time spent, helping you connect deeper.
2. Prioritise Each Other
A common assumption about relationships is that once you’re committed to one, the connection will stay strong.
You’re committed to one another, after all, right?
As couples quickly discover, the trouble with this train of thought is that you start to feel like housemates rather than partners. Without active effort, you both merely exist within each other’s space – again harkening back to the idea of the relationship being routine.
Active effort, or, for better terms, making small and meaningful gestures, helps remind your partner they’re vital to you. While grandiose showings of love and affection will be appreciated, more often than not, the little things like checking in on them throughout the day, setting time aside to talk to them without distractions, and expressing appreciation have the most impact.
Partners need to feel seen, valued, and cherished, which requires active effort.
3. Be Transparent with Your Feelings
Deep, vulnerable conversations help you form powerful connections. These are plentiful when a relationship first starts and are a powerful way to help you understand a potential partner on a deeper level.
As time passes, we sometimes forget that we are rarely the same person we were a month, year, or decade ago. As we change, so do our dreams, thoughts, desires, and emotions.
If you’ve read my other posts, you know how much I advocate for the importance of emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy is powerful, but emotional intimacy keeps couples together and fuels long-term connection.
Allowing your communication to slip into surface-level conversations only is a quick way to become disconnected. Instead, continue to share your thoughts, dreams, and concerns with your partner.
Speak your mind, whether about something small or significant and allow them insight into your thoughts. Keeping your emotional walls down and communication up is a strong combination that ensures your bond remains strong and your relationship remains a safe space.
If this is a common pain point within your relationship, relationship coaching can be beneficial in creating a judgment-free area to voice your feelings.
4. Be Spontaneous
Repetitive routines remove unpredictability.
Once the novelty of the honeymoon phase is over and routines set in, couples can quickly start overthinking whether or not the relationship is right for them. As we’ve mentioned, the fault lies in the inability to be active in the relationship, but spontaneity also plays a vital role.
A large part of our fondness in the honeymoon phase is the sense of adventure – surprises, spontaneous trips, and the general excitement of not knowing where the relationship will go next.
While routines are inevitable, losing that sense of wonder doesn’t have to be. Find ways to bring back spontaneity, whether by planning a surprise weekend getaway, leaving love notes around the house or doing something unplanned together.
The thrill of surprise and adventure helps prevent relationships from feeling monotonous.
5. Embrace Each Other Outside the Bedroom
Physical affection triggers oxytocin – otherwise known as the “love hormone” or “cuddle chemical – which strengthens trust and connection.
Oxytocin, therefore, is a powerful way to increase the bond with your partner. While physical intimacy is an integral part of any relationship, all too often, it is associated with sex and the bedroom.
Yet, little moments of affection during the day are just as powerful. Simple touches, such as holding hands, hugging, resting your head on your partner’s shoulder, etc., help maintain emotional closeness.
A kiss goodbye, a squeeze of the hand, or a lingering hug often have more impact than you think and are powerful ways to keep love alive.
6. Don’t Ignore Difficult Conversations
Having difficult conversations is an important and unavoidable part of life. The trouble is that we’re never really taught how to do this or why they’re essential.
In a relationship, ignoring issues won’t make them disappear; it’ll cause emotional distance. Similarly, ignoring issues can either cause them to escalate into something more serious or have you unintentionally develop bad relationship habits or worsen communication.
Real intimacy comes from facing challenges together, not avoiding topics for the sake of “peace”.
Talk through any problems before they become more prominent than they need to be, and approach these discussions with understanding, not defensiveness. If you’re married, marriage guidance can be a great preventative step to overcoming these issues before they become larger.
Challenging topics and healthy conflict can strengthen relationships if handled with respect. Throughout my coaching career, one thing has been crystal clear: the strongest relationships aren’t the ones without problems; they’re the ones where both partners are willing to work through them together.
Keeping the Spark Alive
The honeymoon phase may be temporary, but the excitement and passion in your relationship don’t have to be. Love isn’t something that just happens; it’s something you create, nurture, and invest in every single day.
If you’re finding it difficult to maintain the same level of connection, excitement, and passion as you did in your honeymoon phase and need help, reach out and get in touch. I can help bring that spark back into your relationship.
