I often hear from people that dating is anything but enjoyable. For many, it feels like a chore, a soul-destroying activity that rarely leads to the relationship they desire.
When I embarked on online dating for the third time, I decided it was time for a change. I resolved to enjoy my dates—or at least most of them. Let’s not put too much pressure on myself. I adopted a relaxed “numbers game” approach, aiming for two dates a week over three months. Some of these were second dates.
I had a list of requirements from past experiences, but this time, I tucked it away in a drawer and tried not to focus too much on what I was looking for. Instead, I aimed to simply enjoy the dates. I also decided not to be driven solely by physical attraction, recognizing that you can’t truly gauge attraction from dating profile photos.
I did, however, insist on a video call before meeting in person. Surprisingly, I only declined one date based on those calls. I believe those calls helped me discern who I would enjoy seeing again, although I’m not entirely set on that notion.
There was only one person who refused a video call, claiming, “You only have one chance to make a great first impression.” It seemed plausible at the time, but he turned out to be quite crazy—a lesson learned.
Don’t get me wrong; this period of intense dating was demanding. But I approached it with a mindset of enjoyment. Each date was an opportunity to have a pleasant evening or day, do something fun, learn something new, or at the very least, discover that the person wasn’t for me.
Some people have told me they bring friends along on first dates. This can be an intriguing strategy. It allows you to see how your date interacts with your friends, providing valuable insights into their personality. Another idea is to engage in activities you enjoy, like seeing a show or attending a gig. This makes the date feel less like an interview and more like a glimpse into how you might spend time together in the future.
Tips for Enjoying Your Dates
- Shift Your Mindset: Instead of viewing dating as a means to an end, try to enjoy the process. Each date is an opportunity for a new experience.
- Keep Your Requirements in Perspective: While knowing what you want is important, focusing too rigidly on a checklist can make dating feel transactional. Allow yourself to be open to the unexpected.
- Insist on Video Calls: A brief video chat before meeting in person can save you time and help you gauge initial chemistry.
- Make It Fun: Choose activities that you enjoy for your dates. This not only ensures that you have a good time but also lets you see how your date fits into your lifestyle.
- Consider Bringing a Friend: This unconventional approach can reveal how your date handles group dynamics and interacts with your friends.
By changing your approach and mindset, dating can transform from a dreaded chore into an enjoyable and enlightening experience. Remember, the journey is just as important as the destination. So, relax, have fun, and let the process unfold naturally.
